Monday, July 28, 2008

Maybe, Maybe

This post is about kids. To have or not to have: that is the question. A question that I've been asked on a number of occasions, including at my wedding reception.

Along with, I imagine, every woman out there, I used to play a numbers game with myself. I'd calculate my "ideal marriage age", "ideal first pregnancy age", and my "absolute latest pregnancy age." My answers were - 25, 28, and 30. Ha!

Come this September, I will turn 30. At this very moment in my life, when someone asks me that question, my standard response is, "I don't know. Maybe eventually. But definitely not now." I am not mentally prepared nor I have the want or the need to have kids, which I think are incredibly important factors. I won't have kids just because "it's the next stage in life." No siree.

Society, however, thinks differently. It's the norm to have kids. There is no greater joy than parenthood! Possibly. But to each of their own, I say. What I get frustrated about is when people raise their eyebrows because of my choice (or the choice I've not yet made rather). They seem to think that it's selfish not to have kids. Well, I think it's most definitely selfish to have kid for reasons of social conformity when I don't know if I want them -- because that is not fair to the child, above all else.

Ultimately, plainly put, having kids is a big deal. Physically, emotionally, and financially. It means no more spur of the moment trips or occasional extravagant spending (such as our Lasik procedures). It means constantly worrying for the next eighteen years, or for the rest of my life for that matter. It means less time to myself. It means dealing with messy house and perpetually sticky cars. Of course, on the flip side, it may also mean countless hours of laughter, family road trips, and just have fun. Watching them grow and learn. I've heard parenthood is quite rewarding.

But notice that I have more negatives than positives?

So right now, I am feeling "maybe". It doesn't put me in an airtight box, and it doesn't expect anything of me. Maybe someday I'll feel differently, and maybe I won't.

How do you feel about raising kids? Who's in the same boat as me?

2 comments:

  1. You're right about the positives and the negatives! You guys are happy, in love and enjoying this stage of life right now- being newlyweds! Having kids is work, work, work. It's the most fulfilling and joyous thing I've ever done (become a mom to these kissable little sweet boys)but if your not really excited about it and you don't just need to have a baby (over the last few years I needed to have a family of my own so much it almost hurt sometime), why not wait? My coworker had her first baby at 40. 30 is way younger than we used to think it was!

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  2. The TimetravellerJuly 29, 2008 at 9:55 AM

    No way, no kids. Not in this place, not in this country. Not on this planet, not in this galaxy. Not in this lifetime, not in this timeline.

    And since when have we ever conformed with society? We'd be living in a house too large for two people, driving around in expensive pieces of metal on rubber wheels, and wearing all sorts of shit dug up from the ground and classified as objects of desire. Society can kiss my ass.

    I believe this calls for its own post...

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